U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
