fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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