I just cut my nipple shaving
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
