How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
