You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
