he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
