I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
