i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
