just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
