Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
