then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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