with your own penis?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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