I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
