i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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