I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
