I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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