I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
