She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
