She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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