I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
