God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Of course I have a pirate flag
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
