I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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