i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
