I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
