the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
