u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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