Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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