In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
