Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
