First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
