the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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