I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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