you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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