ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
