He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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