he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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