so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my poor anus
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize