They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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