I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
