It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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