I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
