So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
