community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
