Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
