Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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