I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
