awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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