Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize