that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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