You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize