Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
