My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
wrigley field is MILF paradise
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
