My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
