I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
