I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
