i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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