the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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