I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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