Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
