glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
