I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize