Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
