How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
