Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
