Got a toothbrush?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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