i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
