the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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